Click here to watch
Porky pig "blopper", click to watch.
Who are these guys!?, and what are they doing!? Can anyone translate??(click to watch MPEG file)
'Nuff said! ;)
This is the MATURE line
The ULTIMATE wedding night...NOT! click to watch
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad." Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know you're loyal?" "Well, I saved my platoon from the VC in 'Nam. That's where I lost my arms and legs," he replies. "Well, how do I know you're rich?" she inquires. "I make over $3 million a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement," he continues. Looking him over in his wheelchair, she demands, "Well, how do I know you're a good lover?" He shrugs, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..." Her trial starts next week.
Kathy went to Nancy's place to tell her about a horrible experience she had the previous night with this guy she took home. "Well, what happened when you got there?" asked Nancy. "After we had sex, the son of a bitch called me a slut!" Somewhat shocked, Nancy asked, "What did you do then?" "I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom, and to take his eight friends with him!"
A girl from Texas and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all from?" The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where y'all from, bitch?"
One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird nose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed. It said: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor, it will be better in two weeks. Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masterbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and deposited $10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis: Your water is hard, get a softener. Your dog has worms, get him shots. Your daughter's using cocaine, get her into a rehab clinic. Your wife's pregnant, it's not yours, get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...... He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.' So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' So I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill,"Here try these on." So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me." So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants." So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will."